Recipients taking on Traits of Their Donor....

Whomever ends up with this kidney, I would like to apologize. If you end up with my character traits, be prepared to have numerous little scars, bruises, broken dishes, etc, etc... I am a super clumsy person, it seems! 

Once again, I ended up giving blood this week... unfortunately, not to the Red Cross, but to the window and couch where I was cleaning windows. Eeesh.

As for the phenomenon, it is something that I find very interesting. There have been many cases of recipients taking on traits or even having memories from the donor. This is known as (or thought to be known as) Cellular Memory. Many alternative therapists (massage, chiropractor, etc) believe that memories are stored in different areas of the body. I have been told that my low back and hips are my "power area", meaning it's the hardest area for me to let go and allow to release and relax. Apparently it's where I store a lot of my worries and fears. My low back and hips are always tight and always sore, so there may be something to that. Or, it could simply be that I use my glutes to hold me upright instead of my abs!  lol... either way, when I have a massage when my back is the main focus, I am wiped out.

I hope whomever gets my kidney doesn't have too many of my hard memories, but perhaps they will all of a sudden have a great love for animals, or want to play volleyball or want to spend time near the water! 

Now, back to tending to my new stitches. Yup, I'm that clumsy.

No Tests this week....

... and it feels kind of weird. It will be really weird when the last four appointments are finished and we sit and wait for someone to call and say, "There's a match." I must remind myself that it may not happen this round, but at this point, that is the only reality I am willing to face. I have had a good feeling about this from day 1. Perhaps that's simply because I know this is what I need and want to do, but also, I'm hoping, because it's going to happen!

After speaking with the psychiatrist and not being asked the questions I thought he would ask, I've been thinking more and more about those questions. I think this is the hardest part of the entire procedure. The tests are simple really, the only real discomfort has been going without coffee until 10:00 after being up at 5:00. That's really a mosquito bite in a world of dangerous insects. I'm even assuming that, yes, there will be some pain and a major slow down in activities for a little while when the surgery happens, but again, perhaps we are up to a bee sting?

What I have been finding stressful is the "what if's," or perhaps more "What if not's". I don't think there is a person out there who is ready or willing to face those questions. I am hoping there is never a need to, but I do think, for anyone who is going to be a part of this process, those are thoughts you should have, recognize and be ready for. My problem is moving past the recognize phase. I know there is no need to dwell on those issues, and simply think about the positive outcomes, but I think worry for my friend takes over.

I am going to work on thinking of only the positive outcomes for now, as I am a firm believer in not only mindfulness, but also in, "What you put out to the Universe is what comes back." Not that it would necessarily come back to me, just come back! Put out positive vibes and thoughts and good things happen around you! Let's hope that will happen. I ask everyone who is reading this to do the same!!

Psychiatrist Consult - Check

I'm not really sure why this appointment made me nervous, perhaps because we are all a little crazy, aren't we? I was expecting to be asked questions such as, "Why do you want to do this?"  "What if it is not successful?"  "Do you have a good support network?" etc..

What he asked was, "Was it difficult to make this decision?"
My answer to that was, "No!" I told him that when I realized I could be a live organ donor, my only disappointing or negative thought was, "I wish I had realized this sooner!"  I wish I had been able to start this process a long time ago, but we can't look backwards, only forwards.

He also asked me about my childhood, if I had suffered any trauma or abuse. He asked if I had any drug or alcohol dependency issues, asked about life and stress and if I had ever been depressed. The very fact that I made it through that appointment with a smile on my face means a lot! He was wonderful to sit and chat with, had a little advice about a perscription I am currently on and as we talked he said it sounds like I practice mindfullness. I suppose I do.

I am a firm believer, now, that every emotion has a right to be felt and you have a right to feel them. Every tough day or good day should be recognized and appreciated. Stuffing down the negative feelings or believing that you should feel okay, does not really get you ahead in the long run. If you are feeling low, allow yourself to feel it. Recognize it and move on! Dr. Bourgon suggested that sometimes over-assurance can lead to more anxiety, and really... who needs that? :) Mindfullness is simply about being present with your emotions, living in that particular moment and dealing with it. Acceptance is key. Ahhhh, if I had only been that smart as a child. :)

So, next week, I am appointment free. The following week I have three appointments on the 23rd. I am in for a CT Scan late morning, then early afternoon I have the Social Worker Consultation, then the Surgical Consultation. The last appointment, on April 29 (my brithday) is with the Nephrologist. I am still unsure why I am not to drink any caffienated beverages before I see him, I just know that I must have my coffee into me by 8:00! No problem!





Renal Scan Complete

Last week I completed the Renal Scan at the Civic Hospital. It was a pretty easy procedure. I didn't have to really do anything except "go pee", be injected with radioactive material and then lie still... that was probably the hardest part. Of course your back becomes uncomfortable, your nose itches and there's a hair in your eye when you have to lie still.

The main part of the procedure was 30 minutes. I ws able to watch the progress on the screen above me, I watched for a few minutes and then promptly fell asleep. When I woke up, my kidneys and bladder were making a smilie face at me (not really a smile, but it was close enough). At this point, I had to "empty my bladder" again, come back and lie on the table for another 5 minutes, then I was finished.

The table moves, so when you're lying down, you are moved into the machine and the appropriate camera does the scanning. In my case, the camera was beneath me. I didn't feel anything, and it certainly wasn't as noisy as an MRI. The technician was very kind and cheerful, so the appointment seemed to go quickly and without a hitch. Now I simply wait for the results and move on to my next appointment... the Psychologist Consult. Uh-oh! 

I find hospitals to be a little bit scary, I never seem to know where I am going and usually end up lost. I was lucky that while searching what I thought was the 1st floor, I ran into a wonderful friend and was able to catch up a bit!! I wasn't so lucky when I made it to the actual 1st floor (bottom floor is the main floor at the Civic), I ran into these "canisters" just outside of Nuclear Medicine. Eeesh

There's nothing scary about them. I'm pretty sure the placard says that it's simply compressed air, but hey, I was walking into a "Nuclear" area!

I will always be a fan of these pull strings in the washrooms... I keep considering installing them in my house. Lord knows I could use them! I think even having a "cancel" button some days would be a bonus! :)

Latest Update from Craig

This is why Living Kidney Donors are needed.

"I saw the vascular surgeon today, along with the vascular access coordinator. The fistula is on its last legs, so to speak, so we’re making plans for the next step. Unfortunately, there are very few options left. The two best options involve having a catheter in my femoral artery, which will cause all kinds of problems. 

Option 1 is to have that in place and have a graft done in my arm to create another access, then pull the femoral catheter out once the new access in my arm is ready- IF it works. Sometimes they never work once created. It’s pretty common for these accesses to not work, and many patients have many of them created before they get one that works. Even if it works, it will take a couple of months to be ready to use. 

Option 2 is the femoral catheter as the only access. The issue is, that my body does not like having tubes stuck in my blood vessels. Once that is in, my artery will begin to constrict to force it ou...t, and I will be left with a constricted artery. This already happened in 2 spots in my upper body, and will happen again. Once this happens, the catheter will have to be removed, leaving behind a damaged artery and causing serious blood flow problems in the leg. Then they will switch to the other leg and repeat the same thing.

SO the only way to avoid this is a new kidney- ASAP. There are a few amazing people currently being tested for the Living Donor Paired Exchange, and I am very hopeful that something will happen on that front, but the clock is now ticking very quickly. The best option is to find a match soon, so that person can be rushed through the tests. The Living Donor Paired Exchange, although an excellent program, offers n o guarantees, or I could wait another year or two. Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of time. If anyone was sitting on the fence about getting tested, please reconsider. Things are getting very serious...

In the meantime, I’m going to soldier on, and enjoy every minute I’m on top of the grass."

"To quote Clay Walker:
I’m gonna live, laugh, love, just for today
Take all the trouble tomorrow might bring and put it away
I’m gonna drink every drop of happiness ‘til they cover me up
I’m gonna live, gonna laugh, gonna love."

It seems very unfortunate that these are his options at this point. I hope he can wait a little while and maybe in May we will be prepping for surgery.

Please keep him, and all those waiting for a donor, in your thoughts.

All Appointments are Booked!!

The incredible Deanna at the Riverside Hospital has worked her magic and booked my final 6 appointments! I have my Renal scan this Friday, Psychologist consult next Wednesday, on the 23rd I get my CT Scan and see the Social Worker and the Surgeon and on the 29th (my birthday), I see the Nephrologist! She worked very hard to make sure these appointments were all booked before May, and I am eternally grateful! As long as everything goes well (fingers crossed please), I will be ready for the May cycle for matching!!! Very exciting!

Short entry today, just excited to share the appointments will all be completed before May!!